omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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