my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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