you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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