soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
