one two three fourrrrnication!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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