If i come over, it means nothing
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
