Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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