I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize