This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
