I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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