i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize