found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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