Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
