Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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