Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
