I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
