shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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