btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
