remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
