I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
