Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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