After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He did a backflip because drugs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
