I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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