it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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