What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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