You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
