i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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