u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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