Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
