I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
