so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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