I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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