no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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