Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
