So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
