i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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