drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
