Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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