you win again, gameday.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
