Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I enjoy the company of your penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
