Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
