we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
