So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
