i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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