I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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