I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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