I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
