I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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