dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
