you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
