I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
