If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
