proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize