Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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