so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
