Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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