WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
