Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
