You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
