You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
