remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
